Most people think of leaders as tough, bold, and sometimes distant. I used to believe that if I wanted to be taken seriously or succeed, I needed to fit that mold—shutting down parts of myself that felt too “soft” or “sensitive.” Today, I’m learning that being a great leader isn’t about playing that role. Instead, it’s about owning your real traits, leading with heart, and finding confidence in who you truly are. In this episode of Hustle and Flowchart, I sat down with Dr. J.J. Peterson to talk about everything from his wild career path, lessons from comedy, and why being both driven and soft can make you a better leader.
Dr. J.J. Peterson has done it all—Hollywood, comedy, professor, pastor, marketer, and now host of the podcast Badass Softie. This conversation uncovers the surprising connections between personal growth, business, joy, self-awareness, and true leadership. If you’ve ever felt stuck pretending to be someone you’re not, or if you want to create a better work culture, this is an episode you’ll enjoy.
Summary
Dr. J.J. Peterson shared stories from his many careers and explained how each role taught him valuable lessons about messaging, connection, and leadership. We talked about his experience in improv comedy, the struggles of touring, and why he stepped away from entertainment to help raise up better leaders. J.J. introduced his “Badass Softie” idea—a concept for leaders who are unapologetically driven but lead with heart and empathy. J.J. broke down how good leadership isn’t just about aggression, but about knowing yourself, developing your own point of view, and combining empathy with authority.
We dug into the science of joy as a tool for recovery and success, how to develop your own leadership style, and the four main types of characters that show up in every story (including business). Finally, J.J. shared about what’s next for him, including starting a mastermind community for like-minded leaders and the importance of giving yourself grace.
J.J.’s Wild Career: From Comedy to Teaching
Dr. J..J Peterson never took a straight or predictable path. After college, J.J. worked in marketing and PR, then spent time in Hollywood writing scripts and acting. J.J. joined an improv comedy group, traveled the country, and discovered both the fun and challenges of touring. Comedy taught J.J. how to connect, perform, and relate to teams, but also made him realize the downsides: late nights, non-stop travel, struggles with health, and feeling disconnected from real relationships.
J.J.’s decision to leave entertainment happened after he noticed the negative impact some leaders were having—people who were great on stage but left a path of destruction behind the scenes. J.J. felt called to help raise up the next generation of leaders who would be different. That led J.J. back to school for his master’s and PhD, eventually working as a professor and dean of students. J.J. says, “It all made sense about 10 years later…everything kind of came together,” showing how our experiences, even if scattered, can add up for future impact.
Key Takeaways:
- Many people feel scattered or lost in their careers, but those lessons often add up.
- Watching leaders backstage showed JJ that there’s a huge difference between how people look in public vs. private.
What is a “Badass Softie”?
J.J.’s podcast, Badass Softie, was created for leaders who are driven but still lead with their heart. J.J. explained that he often felt pressure to shut down his sensitive side, thinking it was a weakness in business. Now, J.J. sees sensitivity as an advantage—when combined with confidence and a strong sense of purpose.
Badass Softies don’t shy away from being emotional or caring. They use their quirks and realness to build teams and create better products. J..J says, “There’s only one you. Don’t shy away.” The podcast and idea aim to help people step into their uniqueness, develop their own values, and not feel forced to act like someone else just to fit in.
Key Takeaways:
- Being both driven and soft is possible—and often better for long-term leadership.
- Sensitivity can be an advantage, not a drawback.
- Copying other leaders’ styles only works for a while; eventually you need to create your own.
The Four Types of Characters in Business and Life
J.J.’s PhD focused on narrative and storytelling. He says every story—and every business, really—has four main character types: hero, villain, victim, and guide. Heroes move forward and try to redeem pain. Villains try to get revenge for their own suffering. Victims stay stuck, only existing to make heroes and villains look better or worse. Guides help the hero win, like Gandalf, Yoda, or Dumbledore.
These ideas show up in how leaders act. Someone who feels stuck or wounded often becomes a victim, or worse, a villain—taking out their pain on their team. The best leaders grow past their own challenges, become heroes in their own lives, and ultimately guides who help others succeed.
Key Points:
- The four character types are: hero, villain, victim, and guide.
- Most people start as victims when something unfair happens, then choose to seek revenge (villain) or redemption (hero).
- True leaders become guides, mixing empathy with wisdom and experience.
Why Trauma Shapes Leaders—For Better or Worse
J.J. explained that unresolved trauma in childhood or early work life often shapes how people lead. Someone who hasn’t worked through their pain might act out as a villain, trying to prove themselves by being controlling, harsh, or toxic. J.J. admits, “Most of those actions come out of an unresolved trauma.” He used to judge leaders harshly but now sees that many just haven’t healed from their own past.
Healing and moving forward takes self-awareness, pausing to ask: Who am I? What do I truly value? How do I want to treat people? Leaders who take time to answer these questions can stop repeating old patterns and start guiding their teams with kindness and confidence.
Key Points:
- Unchecked pain leads to bad leadership, including aggression or manipulation.
- Growth requires self-reflection and sometimes therapy.
Owning Your Point of View as a Leader
J.J. stressed the importance of finding your own point of view rather than copying someone else. Early in his career at StoryBrand, J.J. was encouraged to dream bigger. Donald Miller asked, “What’s your big dream?” J.J. realized his own goals were small compared to what was possible and learned that influence can be bigger than we first imagine.
J.J. reminds us that if you copy someone else (even someone successful like Donald Miller), you won’t truly thrive. “There’s only one you,” J.J. says. Self-awareness unlocks better results, happier teams, and longer-lasting success.
Key Points:
- You can learn from others, but you must develop your own vision.
- Self-reflection leads to authentic goals, which are more motivating.
How Empathy and Authority Make the Best Leaders
J.J. explained that guides in stories stand out with two main traits: empathy (understanding what others feel) and authority (showing real expertise). The same goes for business. A great leader starts relationships with empathy, building trust and lowering defensiveness. Only after people trust you should you focus on showing your authority—your skills and knowledge.
Research shows that empathy builds momentum, trust, and effectiveness. J.J. pointed out, “You can get up and yell at people…but if you want to be truthfully long-term badass, start with empathy.”
Sometimes leading means challenging people; other times it means caring more. There’s no perfect balance, just a dance between the two.
Key Points:
- Empathy comes first; authority follows.
- Great leaders are confident in their own style, but also learn when to challenge or care more for others.
Practicing Joy for Success, Health, and Recovery
J.J. broke down new research showing that daily joy isn’t just a reward for hard work—it’s the fuel for it. Joy helps teams recover from stress, become more productive, and even increases physical health. Laughter, play, and beauty are more than distractions. They’re vital for creative thinking, resilience, and reduced burnout.
J.J. gave examples of how young kids recover through play and how adults usually skip over joy to “get serious” at work. He now sees joy as necessary for long-term success, saying, “Joy is not happiness. Happiness is different.” Joy is found in relationships, beauty, surprise, and celebrating wins.
Key Points:
- Joy and play aren’t just rewards; they’re the best way to recover and perform better.
- Teams that laugh and connect daily work harder and bounce back from tough times faster.
- Leaders should intentionally add moments of joy and connection, even (or especially) when things are stressful.
Giving Yourself Grace and Space
J.J. encouraged all leaders to show themselves grace. Changing your leadership style, working through pain, or starting something new rarely happens overnight. J.J. notes, “There’s going to be times where I fail in all of that in one day. Having grace for myself in that…Keep making steps forward.”
People sometimes think leaders quit jobs or make big changes instantly. In reality, it often takes months or years to plan, learn, and build confidence. J.J. says allowing yourself time to dream, plan, and fail is vital for long-term growth.
Key Points:
- Growth happens slowly; setbacks are normal.
- Self-grace is essential for ongoing development and happiness.
Exciting Plans: The Badass Softy Community
J.J. shared his plans for next year: starting a mastermind community for leaders who want to learn and grow in both empathy and drive. The group will bring together experts in hard conversations, self-promotion, and sales—but also create space for play and joy, inspired by the adventures of C.S. Lewis and Tolkien.
Mornings will be dedicated to business hot seats and practical learning; afternoons will be reserved for connection, riddles, and fun. J.J. hopes the community will help leaders recover faster, support each other, and thrive without losing their real selves.
External Resources Mentioned:
Recap
Dr. JJ Peterson’s story proves you don’t need to fit the old-school idea of what a leader looks like to succeed in business. The main topics covered included forging your own path, understanding how stories shape our lives, leading with empathy and authority, using joy as a secret weapon for resilience, and giving yourself time and grace to grow. JJ’s advice is simple but powerful: leadership works best when you own who you are, show up with heart, and challenge both yourself and your team to dream bigger.
Lean into your strengths, accept your quirks, and remember that joy isn’t something to hide or delay until the project is done—it’s what gets you through the tough times and connects you to others. If you want to lead with heart and confidence, follow JJ’s example, and start building your own “Badass Softy” style today.
Two Other Episodes You Should Check Out
- StoryBrands: Frameworks to Make Marketing Simple with Dr. J.J. Peterson
- How To Be Seen & Unleash Your Authentic Brand with Jen Gottlieb
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